THIS IS MY STORY

My name is Tiffany Blue (not really, but it IS my favorite color). This blog is about my journey which is in progress, to become a mother. It will most likely contain the Good, the Bad and hopefully not too much Ugly! My handsome DH and I decided on adoption in April 2008 after 4+ unsuccessful years of T-TTC. We have been married for 5 years and I threw away my BCP's the night before our wedding. I did get to see a "second line" once on an EPT, but it turned out to be a "chemical pregnancy" so I had no reason to think we could not conceive. I was in my late 30's when it happened and my MD said "not to worry" that he had women in their 40's get PG "all the time".

So when after over a year of TTC with no luck , I went back to Dr. "Don't Worry, Be Happy" and found out that my FSH was in the high 50's. Why he never tested me when at 38, when I told him I was getting married and wanted kids is beyond me. He did not even have the guts to tell me about my horrible diagnosis...he had his receptionist deliver the blow for him! Yep, that's right, his secretary called me AT WORK to tell me I am infertile...I swear, you can't make this stuff up!

After 5 RE consults and so much blood work, ultrasounds, HSGs, a ton of meds in a sad attempt to lower my FSH ( the meds actually caused blood clots in my leg up to my groin (YIKES!) and didn't work anyway) and injectables ( Cetrotide , and 80 mgs of Lovenox a day to prevent more clots) I ran out of insurance. I happen to work for a major Northern NJ Medical Center and only have $10 K insurance for IF treatment. The fact that NJ is a mandated state only means they have to provide some coverage, not all. I ran through that in less than a year, and it is a lifetime cap.I have been told by all of my RE's that I have the worst insurance for infertility they have ever seen. Lucky me.

DH and I hit a big stumbling block at that point, as we were both going through so much pain and anguish, as I was very un-lovable at the time, and so was he. We decided our love and marriage were worth fighting for and sought professional help ( Thank You, Jesus ) and decided that we wanted to be parents first and foremost and that biology didn't matter all that much.

After much consideration and trepidation, tons of research and an awesome trip to spend time with our adorable 2 year old niece, we consulted with an adoption attorney in April '08 and actually entertained, quite seriously, the option to do a donor egg cycle. Sadly, after being turned down for every type of financing available, including a second mortgage, we began to panic. My fear was that if we emptied out our 401B, which was the ONLY option we had left, and the cycle failed...we would be financially screwed in the future and would have no resources left to adopt. Good times, assuredly!

So, I called my attorney and she talked me down off the ledge and suggested that we get set up for adoption. I somehow managed to break the $3,000 egg donor consultant contract we signed earlier that year, and here we are a whole year later, home study approved and car seat ready, waiting for the BabyPhone to ring (more on THAT later)