Blackberries and Websites and Blogs, Oh My

Technology CAN be a wonderful thing when trying to conceive, or adopt. There is information a plenty available on-line in Forums, chat rooms, message boards, Yahoo Groups and Google. My journey through the" trying to conceive" world began on-line on The Nest, a message board filled with women, some young, some a bit more "lived-in" (I refuse to make a concession to age) but none the less, all had the same common goal...to be a parent.
Many times I was consoled and cheered by these wonderful women who, maybe because they don't know me in real life, are able to impart support and help with out prejudice or judgment. They are not subject to pre-conceived notions about me or my circumstance. The blessings of that support can not be extolled high enough, as someone in cyberspace is always available to lend an ear, a dry shoulder or send up a silent prayer.
Real life, however, is an entirely different story. I have lost a few friends along this journey, some because they got wrapped up in their own saga, which is actually fine with me. Those people may find their way back, and, in trying to be a Christian (or as my pastor likes to say, a Christ follower) I will let them back in. And some, sadly have simply abandoned me due to their lack of comprehension on how to be a good friend to someone who is hurting badly. To those "so-called friends" I say, good riddance. To quote The "Sham-Wow Guy" ...."Life is hard enough, who wants to cry more?" (I promise I won't make a habit of quoting cheesy infomercials!)
So, to say I rely on the Internet community and technology to get me through the day is not exactly an understatement. My own mom has not really been a big cheerleader for my cause, either, but I don't want to divulge too much of that stuff right now. Let it suffice to say that since she had her kids before she was 26, she can not comprehend the desire, struggle and drive to pursue parenthood into one's 40's. If I landed an dream job working for a high powered attorney or a major news network, she would be thrilled for me, but if I told her I got a BFP on an EPT, she'd just sigh and wonder why I would want to parent a child at this age. ( Her words, not mine).
I did say there would be some "Ugly", right ?
While on the adoption pathway, I researched on-line, found books and more friends, found my awesome attorney and designed profiles books, networking materials, business cards and a website. I have to put a "plug" in here for my awesome brother, Doug who spent a very sleepless night and much of a 24 hour day building my website for me. I am forever in your debt, little Bro(and SO proud of you for all of your God given talents....and the heart you have to use them to help others! You rock! If anyone needs an amazing wedding day video/photo team on the Outer Banks of North Carolina, please check him out at outerbanksproductions.com. He does NOT do web design for the general public, however...he just did it for me cause he loves me! :) He will be a great Uncle some day!) My brother was also kind enough to host my site on his own business server, saving me much time and money and I am so blessed to be his big sister!
I have a Blackberry to field e-mails, which is hooked up to my toll-free "Baby hot line" (for Birth moms to contact us without divulging our personal info), my Blackberry also receives my G-Mail, which fields e-mail contact from B-moms.(also to protect our personal information, as a well know e mail service, IE: Comcast, can give someone who is not honest a clue as to where we are located.
The problem is, there is no contact, no e-mail, no phone calls. Nothing. Flat out, nothing. I am struggling today with that more than usual. I had a few rough days at work and am not feeling positive, so I have shut off my Blackberry and am going to take the day to recharge myself. My attorney, who is an adoptive mom herself, sent me a beautiful pattern for a crochet baby blanket during a time a few months back when I was feeling down. She suggested I take the crochet stuff and go into the "nursery" (we have not set it up yet, other than painting and installing flooring ) and spend some quiet time there and work on making a blanket for our child and reflect upon placing the blanket around our child and by doing so, letting God and the universe know we are open to receiving a child in our lives. I have yet to take her advice. Maybe, that is what I will do today, with my Blackberry turned off, so I can get some peace in my head.
This brings me to my next topic...blogs..I started about 5 blogs in the past , and have never kept up with them. I would rather not do a re cap on our journey thus far, as it's been a trip filled with angst and sometimes anger and sadness. It is my desire to put this out there to help others, but also, to help heal some of my pain this situation has brought. I am finding solace in church lately, and trying to find strength in God's love. I will admit that church and God have not been a priority for me until we turned an emotional corner in our lives because of our adoption quest. I choose to believe that was Jesus' hand taking us in this direction for His own reasons. Perhaps we needed to struggle a bit to get where God wants us to be, in His time. We found an amazing Pastor along our journey and we are grateful that we can call the Christian Life Center a place where we are finding out about God's love for us. It is my hope that through the Blog Community, I can reach out to others along this path and support some, and receive support from others.